Thoughts of Jacob
by CGEclipsed16
Summary: Bella is alone in her room, and begins to wonder about her real feelings for her best friend.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own the wonderful characters that Stephenie Meyer has created. _

_Comments would be wonderful!_

I watched as Edward leaped down from my window and disappeared into the dark night--back to his house with his family.

Instead of thinking about what had just happened earlier that day with the motorcycles or even of Edward, I thought about Jacob. His face... full of pain, and all because of me. I wanted to call him--or even go over to Billy's house to see him, but I knew that Jacob had already given up on me. He had given up on his promise--and probably given up on his feelings for me. I had been cruel--Mike was right. I had led Jacob on for my own selfish reasons, and now all I wanted to do was confront Jacob--talk and tell the truth.  
Why had I really gone to his house the day I had gotten those motorcycles--was it really because I knew he could fix them up cheap?

No--it had been much more than that. I had been trying to find a way to fix myself--make myself feel stronger...  
And in the process, I had fallen in love. Maybe nothing like the love I felt for Edward...but deep down, I knew--I recognized that I did feel a love, a certain love for Jacob Black.

Maybe if he only knew that--maybe then our friendship wouldn't be so hard to deal with.  
But was that really what he and I had been? Just friends? I thought about all those times on the beach--talking and holding hands--how dare I classify that as "just being friends."

How could I have expected Jacob to take it in that sense as well. I had been stupid and naive--blind by my own pain--not to see his.  
I leaned against my window and hoped--maybe even prayed silently that Jacob was close by--that he would see and know--and maybe find the inner strength to come and confront me--find me...so we could talk. I didn't know how Edward would take it--if he really knew and understood how much I missed my best friend...but I wouldn't deal with that now...

I sat down on my bed and waited.

I knew I couldn't wait forever...

But I would at least sit here patiently and see--hope--and wait…


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters created by Stephenie Meyer in the Twilight Saga. _...

It wasn't until I was almost sound asleep in my bed that I heard my window shake.

I jumped up startled. I thought Edward had told me that he wasn't coming back for the night. He had things to sort out with Alice and Carlisle. And I needed my sleep.

After everything that had happened… I need to throw the covers over my head and pretend that I was still in Arizona.

Just when I thought I had been dreaming, I heard my window shake again, and I jumped out of bed—walking carefully toward the window.

Why was I shaking?

Why couldn't I control my stupid limbs?

I looked out the window and saw the face I had been dreaming of.

Jacob's loopy grin made me sigh with relief and I opened the window quickly.

"What are you doing here, Jake?" I hissed out, shaking with fright, and anger…and was it relief that it was him? Was I happy that it was him? I felt his arms wrap around my waist and led me back toward the bed.

"I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to startle you."

"Startle me?" I bit my tongue and sat back down on the covers. I was so tired. Maybe that explained my odd mood. All the thoughts I had had of him earlier. All the things I had wanted to tell him were suddenly missing in my head. His warm arms had made me forget the cold, frozen pain that was living, eat me alive.

"Why are you always so cold, Bella?" He laughed, and held me tightly. I didn't mind. I wasn't supposed to.

I loved him. I loved the way he warmed me to the soul. I loved the way his long hair brushed against my cheeks. I loved the way he looked at me…

_What was I saying? Was I going nuts?_

Tired.

I was tired.

Jacob let me fall back against my pillows, and I closed my eyes. The moment I did, I knew what I had wanted to say. I wanted to apologize for the way I had treated him; the way I had been naïve. But he loved me despite it.

It wasn't fair that I was causing him pain.

And myself.

"Jacob." I started, glancing at him. But he was snoring softly. His black hair gently brushing over his cheeks. I liked his hair long, not chopped off like when he had first become a were-wolf. It made him my Jacob. The Jacob that had picked me up and sewn me together. I brushed his hair away from his closes eyes and touched his cheek with a finger tip, ever so gently as to not wake him.

Edward and Jacob were so different. Hardly comparable…but still… they both were incredibly handsome.

"I love you." I whispered under my breath, as I closed my eyes and fell into unconsciousness. Only because it was true.

I loved Edward, couldn't live without him. But here was this boy… that loved me too…

And I loved him back.


End file.
